Some Things I've Learned...

Status: Paying bills (because it's getting to the end of the month) and SO excited because I have people cleaning my house from top to bottom today, but not that excited because I'm probably going to have to sell one of my children to pay for what they're charging me on such short notice.

Kidding, of course, but I'm desperate. I am beyond caring.

Okay, to the topic at hand. You know, I worked retail a million years ago (for a million years it seemed) and now that I am officially working it again at Christmastime, I've learned a few more things. About working at my store, and SHOPPING at my store. For instance:

1) You must cover your employee nametag as you walk to the bathroom because any customer who sees you will automatically assume you are an expert in the department you are passing through to GET to the bathroom.

2) If you ever stand in the aisles to straighten, you might as well staple an "INFORMATION/DIRECTIONS TO ANYWHERE" sign onto your forehead.

3) Never make shortcuts through the hosiery department. You will be attacked by one or more ladies (at any given time) and will be subjected to a tirade on why they don't like the layout of the store, or a whining tangent on how awful it is that we don't carry knee-hi's in the pantyhose section.

Now, to SHOPPERS:

4) Never shop with small children on Senior Day. (Wednesday) You won't find a cart ANYWHERE in the store because the Seniors all have them and are using them to help themselves walk. And no, we don't have them hidden away. Even though you think we do. The Seniors have them all. Not anything against Seniors, mind you, this is just a fact.

5) If you see something you like, and you want to buy it but think you'll come back for it, DON'T WAIT. Buy said item RIGHT AWAY because it won't be there the next time you come back and you'll whine about it to me while I'm checking you out and I'll want to stuff a comforter bag up your nose because you'll be the 659375th person to tell me that.

6) Come at 5am (When the store opens on the Day After Thanksgiving or the Day after Christmas) to buy the Portable DVD player we have for next to nothing. Because it will be sold out in the first 30 minutes and you'll be out of luck because EVERYONE wants a Portable DVD Player for Next to Nothing. And I'll already be tired of telling people that we're sold out by the time you wander in at 10:30 and ask me where the "Portable DVD Players That are In The Ad" are.

7) Yes, EVERYTHING in the store is on sale, plus an additional 15% off. It usually is. You don't need to marvel at that fact every time you check out. We know everything is on sale. In fact, if you ever found the lone item that WASN'T on sale, we would be aghast with horror and mark it down immediately because EVERYTHING IN THE STORE IS ON SALE.

Disclaimer: Okay, now, I don't mean any disrespect to the current store I'm working in. In fact, I quite like working there. I am merely remarking on the idiosyncratic behavior of the customers who SHOP there.

8) Fitting Room people who find your mess of inside-out clothes on the floor, really AREN'T HAPPY THAT YOU'RE ALIVE. So STOP BEING A PIGGY ALREADY!!!

Okay, that's about it for now. If I think of any more, I'll let you all know.

Time to pack cold lunches!