"You Are SO Grounded."

When I first became a parent, I SWORE up and down there were things I would not do. I wasn't going to spank my children, or ground them. I was not going to raise my voice, either. I was going to be one of those moms, who, when I WHISPERED, they would know I meant business and act accordingly. I would NEVER let them play video games, either, or fall asleep in the clothes they wore all day. Or eat junk food. The list goes on and on.

And one by one, all those things I said I'd never do, I have found myself doing--sometimes with a vehemence that surprises me. I yell. I swat butts. I ground. I stick soap on tongues. I re-heat processed food for dinner. I stand over them to make sure the project gets done correctly. They are addicted to the wii and their DSs. I've let the baby watch tv in the morning while I blog. We've had (gasp) a handful of doritos and a granola bar for lunch, washed down with kool-aid.

I am a horrible mother! A total "failure" according to my pre-kid resolutions. And yes, I ground them. Or I threaten it. In fact, it is my favorite saying these days. You are so grounded.

And I kind of relish the fact that I have absolute power, as far as the grounding is concerned. They are grounded from video games. Grounded from playing outside. Grounded from the cell phone. Grounded to their rooms. WHATEVER I decide. I am all-powerful, and I wield it like a mighty sword over their heads...if they're reeaaallllly bad.

It's pretty cool, being a mom sometimes. I have the POWER.

Thing Two, whose grades are not the best (he's one of those "brilliant" kids who is LAZIER THAN SNOT) has had video games, TV, computer, action figures, cell phone, and bike riding taken away. At this point, he's had everything taken away for the next two weeks until his grades improve. Because taking away ONE thing doesn't seem to make a difference.

Here's where I get nervous. What ELSE do I take away? Food? Um, no. I think we will go with the earlier bedtime as a last resort, because he HATES bedtime. And he hates it when I hawk over him, re-directing him when he gets off task. Well, he's going to have to get used to it. He will NOT have a "D" in his easiest subject, just becasue he doesn't want to turn his work in!!!

One day, the Absolute Power will be gone. My kids will roll their eyes at me and rebel. Mutiny. So, I need to tread lightly. Because I don't want them to realize that I am just a mom flailing her arms hopelessly, praying something works.

But for now, they are SO grounded!!!

Cookie Hell

Yeah, that was me, last night. I made 20 dozen cookies. TWENTY DOZEN. Snicker doodles, and chocolate chip.

Hubby helped. But it was still a chore. Lucky for me, I can convect bake in my oven, so I had three sheets of 15 cookies baking at once. Tricky, but it made the time go a lot faster.

All in the name of fundraising! Oh well, it's for a good cause.

My daughter has a long shelf on the wall above her bed, with two pictures above it. The shelf decided to "fall off" the wall last night (more like THIS MORNING at 2am) and clip her head. Poor thing. Scared her to death, scared ME to death (I don't think I've jumped out of bed that quickly since my nephew fell out of the crib upstairs with the loudest thunk ever) and thankfully she was OK. And yes, the nephew was fine, but I made it to him before his mom, who was sleeping in the same room, did. I am FAST. ;-)

So, I've been up since the Kamikaze Shelf Incident. I couldn't go back to sleep, because I was sick to my stomach. And I was thinking about my research. (Visit my blog at The Potted Pen if you're interested why!)
That's what I get for testing the cookie dough. (I'm pleading the fifth on the amount of "testing" involved.) Let's just say I became the object of my own scorn, because I am always telling my kids not to eat very much dough, because of the raw eggs.

Blech. 'Nuff said.

I think I need to park Thing Four in front of a Disney movie and lie on the sofa with him while he watches. (Oh, who said that!)

My Brain Has Turned To Dust.

Well, Fall is officially here. It was in the low 50's this morning, and the kids finally wore jeans to school. And I drove them. Because Thing One is still battling a cold and it was raining. AND she starts baskbetball practice tonight. I'm just glad she opted out of soccer. Otherwise, she'd be a burned-out mess. Only one sport during school, that's the rule. So, she chose basketball. And I'm fine with that.

Because the games are INSIDE!!! Heh heh.

This weekend we helped the kids study for their Social Studies and Spanish quizzes. Thank heaven Hubby lived in Argentina for two years so he can speak the language. He was laughing when I was trying to pronounce the words for my daughter with the flashcards. So, I tossed them at him and said it was HIS turn. :-) I took French in high school, thank you very much.

Reviewing all these things with my kids has made me realize: I have forgotten EVERYTHING. Seriously. I would never think of these things again, if it wasn't for them. Like, when would I need to know what an Archipelago is? Or the chemical components of bleach?

SCARY. It's like my brain has gone to dust, dormant and forgetful. Like it's all locked away in there ("it" being all the stuff I learned in school and college) and I don't have the key anymore.

THIS is why I plan to take classes and enrich my life, once all my kids leave home. But that's not for a long time. So, I need to use my brain in other ways. Right now, all I need to do is remember my Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe because Hubby has volunteered me to bake 4 dozen of them for his work.

But I'll probably cheat and use my recipe book. ;-)

Happy Schmappy.

Someone once told me that the best way to be happy, is to ACT happy. Even if you feel like stabbing your own eyes out. Even if your life sucks. If you put on a smile, and act happy, it will make the sads go away, and eventually, you will be happy.

Yeah, all I get when I do that is the urge to laugh maniacally...is that normal?

So, my daughter has a blog. No, I will not be providing a link to it. She's twelve, and she's been bugging me to get one since about the age of ten. I decided to let her finally have it, and she's having fun with it, but I have a few conditions.

1) She uses a fake name
2) She uses fake names for everyone she talks about
3) She never discloses her age
4) She lets me read it
5) She doesn't tell ANYONE about it, other than close family

So far, it's worked. She loves it, and she has fun making up ridiculous names for girls she doesn't like, and boys she does like, and all that stuff that seems important to a twelve-year old. And she's off my back.

Does it make me a bad parent? I was hesitant at first, but I think my rules (as long as they are obeyed, and she's a good girl) have made it do-able. Her friends at school have blogs and websites and Facebook, and some of them make videos of themselves and post them on YouTube. (The horror!) I told her if any of her friends ever put video of HER on YouTube, you can bet I will be on the phone and I will be doing the She-bear thing. She's smart, she stays away from that kind of stuff.

But it scares me, how some parents trust their kids, or blatantly have no idea what they are doing on their computers in their rooms. I won't let any of my kids have a personal computer in their room. The "kids" computer is in a central location in the family room downstairs, with the screen facing out so everyone can see what's going on.

I've heard too many horror stories from Thing One about what her friends do on their computers. It scares me. I know I've said this before, but when *I* was twelve, I was still climbing trees and riding my bike and not caring that I wore the same pair of shoes every day. My life was relatively untouched by technology (except the TV) and it was SO much calmer and simpler. I have a twelve-year old who is addicted to her cell phone, computer, ipod, you name it.

And I'm ranting. I'd better step down and try to enjoy the day! Pasting a grin on my face, now!

Have a good weekend, all.

Another One of Those Days...

Fate is going against me, yet again, today. I have an Institute class once a week, every Thursday. It's the one thing I look forward to, frankly, every week.

Well, today, Thing Four wouldn't stay in the nursery. He cried and held on to my leg, and wouldn't let me go. AND the phone rang, and it was the school nurse. Thing One was in the health room with a headache and dizziness.

Bye-bye class. I had to leave, and pick up Thing One, and take her home.

Not a good start to the day. She's in bed, Thing Four is in bed, and I'm sulking. :-(

I have a choice. I can organize a closet, or work my way through my desk jar of Tootsie Rolls.

Which one will win??

A Strange Tale...

I have a crazy story to tell. And it happened to ME!!!

So, we were at Thing Three's soccer game Saturday morning. It was chilly, so I wore jeans with my flip-flops. (I love flip flops--I'd wear them year round if I didn't live in the Frostbite State!)
We watched the game, and drove home. While we were driving, I was telling Hubby about these weird fuzzy caterpillar-like growths we have on the leaves of our oak trees. We got out of the car after parking it in the garage and walked over to the tree, and while we were looking, something started to stick me in the leg. I thought I'd gotten a sticker from a bush or something, but the sticker suddenly became more insistent, and suddenly, it HURT. I grabbed a fistful of jean fabric to pull it away, but it got worse. I ran in the house, suddenly in mortal agony and stripped off my jeans, to find that a YELLOW JACKET had somehow crawled all the way up my pant leg, and he was biting and stinging the crap out of my inner thigh! He was dying, and Hubby squished him and flushed him, and I had three lovely bites/stings on my leg. What gets me, is A) he crawled alllll the way up there without me feeling it and B) he didn't sting me before then. It's not like my jeans were super loose or anything.

The first hour was tough, but eventually the pain subsided. Now I have massive ITCHIES. Those yellow jackets are nasty! They were buzzing around us during the soccer game, that's probably where my adventurous little beastie decided to explore. Niiiice.

Yesterday was lame, but today is fine. No worries. Have a happy Wednesday!

BAH.

Today's a (insert expletive here) day. I don't feel like blogging. Sorry.

I Am NOT a Pushover...not really...

Hop on over to my good friend Devon Ellington's blog Ink In My Coffee where I'm guest blogging today about YA Fiction!

Okay, so, I’m in trouble. Why? I showed my two year old his Halloween costume. His Buzz Lightyear costume.

Yes. I bought it early. But I’m smart in the sense that all the Buzz Lightyear costumes in toddler sizes will be sold out soon.

But, like a fool, I SHOWED it to him. He clapped his little pudgy hands and shrieked for joy and jumped up and down and begged to put it on. BEGGED. I can’t resist the charms of a two-year old. Especially if he’s cute. Which mine is. Because I’m biased.

Anyway, we put the costume on. He ran around in it. Pretended to shoot lasers. Shouted “To Infinity and Beyond!” and pretended to fly. A few hours later, it was time for the costume to come off.

Thing Four: “No.”

Me: “C’mon, sweetie. You need to take it off so we can get you in the bathtub and get your jammies on.”

Thing Four: “No.”

Me: (Huffing out all my breath). “Come on, sweetie. We need to take the costume off now. You’ve had lots of fun it it, but we need to save it for Trick-or-treating.”

Thing Four: “NO! I wanna be Buzz Lightyear!”

And he was off, running with his little pudgy Buzz Lightyear legs. He actually gave me quite a chase, until I cornered him in the formal dining room. At this point, his free agency had been revoked by me, and I held him down and carefully stripped the Buzz Lightyear costume off of him, while he kicked and screamed and threw the tantrum of all tantrums (it was like battling an octopus) which is something he never does.

He's better than I thought. He sulked. He pouted. He begged. He managed to fit the words "Buzz Lightyear costume" into nearly every sentence he said to me.

For instance: (at dinner) "Mommy, can I have more mashed potatoes and wear my Buzz Lightyear costume?"

I wasn't going to give in. There was no way I was going to cave. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Guess who is happily running around the living room RIGHT AS I TYPE THIS, wearing a certain Buzz Lightyear costume?

*sigh.*

Exploding DVRs...

A belated shout-out to my sis, who turned 29 yesterday. Happy Birthday! The funny thing about turning 29, is people are skeptical when they ask how old you are (a rude thing to do in my opinion) and you tell them "I'm twenty-nine." They're like: "Yeah, sure."

I went to Michael's for the first time in AGES Wednesday (it's nowhere close to my house) and I was shocked at the aisles of jewelry stuff! When did they put those in there? I mean, you could make ANYTHING you want, even knock-offs of crown jewels, with all the stuff they have crammed into those aisles. I was positively salivating! But I was good, I just bought the little clasp I needed, and okay, I splurged on a ribbon organizer but I had a 40% coupon, and it was justified.

I got out of there, FAST. Craft stores are evil. Evil as in I could stay in them for DAYS, and come out a few hundred dollars poorer. Especially Hobby Lobby. Don't get me started on Hobby Lobby. Too bad they don't have Garden Ridge in Wisconsin. Or I'd have a coronary. It's like Christmas, every time I go in there.

I have craft stuff coming out of my ears. Ribbon, scrapbooking stuff, foam stickers in about every shape (all neatly organized into small labeled tubs) paper, art stuff, yarn, ink, clay, paint, wood stuff, a shelf of craft paint, and about 947364 craft kits from Oriental Trading, that I've bought over the years. And my kids are getting too old for "crafts." So, I need to either A) have more kids or B) donate the craft stuff to schools.

I think the latter option is better. :-D

It's friday! I watched GLEE last night on the DVR, and was much happier with the episode. It was funny and not too overtly sexual, like the last one. Josh Groban was a hoot. And who knew he could act? Most of the time a famous guest-star is pretty bad at the acting thing. Not the Josh. His ire with Sandy over his "stalking" was pretty convincing! Go Josh!

I can't wait to watch my other shows. Like Bones. And Fringe. And CSI. And CSI Miami. And CSI New York. And Criminal Minds. And NCIS. And NCIS Los Angeles. And Burn Notice. And White Collar. And Lie To Me. And The Mentalist. And....

My DVR is going to explode.

Late blogging today--I had an Institute class this morning, and it was amazing. I'm lucky--the church building has a nursery I can put Thing Four in for the hour and a half class. But he's so tired afterwards (his naptime is at 11, when it ends) we have to go right home. Some of my girlfriends headed out to lunch, but I had Sleepy Baby, and alas, could not participate. :-(

Oh well. A friend of mine just got another rejection today on her ms out on submission, and I am realizing that all these rejections make us stronger people. Sure, they suck, and half the time I wonder if the agent even LOOKED at the sample I provided, but they are a part of the business and to be expected. Rejections are a dime a dozen. Its that one shiny happy "I like this" answer, that we all hope for.

It's happened before, it WILL happen again! And I have concluded that Writers are masochists. Pure and simple. ;-)

It was cooooollllldddd last night! Hubby threw all the windows open, but during the night it cooled wayy down, and I was freezing this morning. (It doesn't help that Hubby stole all the covers at one point during the night!) I think tonight we'll just crack the windows, or I'll have to go to sleep in a down coat. Fall is in the air! The sea of green trees is starting to become a Monet canvas of color. All the stores are stocked with Halloween stuff. I've even bought my boys' costumes. Guess who they're going to be for Halloween?

Yep. Who you gonna call? And I think it's ingenious that the Proton Packs are blowup. My boys are salivating over them. And apparently they're making a Ghostbusters 3. Good times!! You can order the costumes here. Buycostumes.com is very courteous and fast. I've only had good experiences with them. Sure beats the heck out of MAKING a costume, which I attempted last year. (Click to see.) What am I talking about? It turned out fabulous! But it took way too much time.

ANYWAY, it's Thursday already, and I have stuff to do while the baby dozes. Gotta send out a query, too!!!