Friday, January 13, 2006

Strange Day

I feel a bit "off" today. I can't explain it. So I'll just tell:

At 6am Hubby's alarm went off, and right after he popped out of bed to shower, Thing One came running into bed with me like she usually does (I swear she has supersonic hearing because it's a rare occasion when she isn't awakened by Hubby's alarm clock) and I was hovering halfway between awake and asleep, and the opening lines of a story were forming in my mind. They were gently waking me up, and I was saying them in my head over and over, over and over. So, grudgingly, I rolled out of bed and sat myself next to the brand-new desk that I now have right at my bedside, on which rests my old laptop. (I used to have a notepad by the bed for moments such as these, I figured having the laptop there is even better.)

I powered up the computer, clicked on Word, and did something that I haven't done in literally about three months.

I started typing the words in my head.

I don't know what inspired it, I have no clue why this morning of all mornings I had to do it, but suddenly I have a renewed interest in something I'd feared I'd lost. With the Move, the Dilemma, all the stuff I have going on, I was wondering if I'd ever want to write again.

Now I am strangely depressed. I don't want to do ANYTHING. I don't want to eat or move, just be still.

It's like I am standing on the edge of a gigantic water slide. I know that once I disappear inside that tube, it's going to be a wild ride, and I don't know what is in store for me, and I'm afraid to take the plunge, because once you've entered the ride, there is no going back. Can't go backwards, can't go sideways, only forward. And that's just what I have to do, until I either get spit out and flounder around blindly with water up my nose, or I come out sitting up with my arms out, screaming in jubilation.

So am I willing to start this up again? Am I willing to surf the chaos and ride this wave that is beckoning to me?

Strange Day, and lots of questions, to be sure.


Michelle Miles said...

I think it's fantastic a story starting forming in your mind as you woke up. I get some of the BEST ideas that way. Hang in there, sweets. You'll figure out your next steps in time. If you need me, I'm here.

Ann said...

Don't know if this is all to do with writing or other stuff, but if it's writing, I hope you go for it. From this blog, and what else I've read, you've got "it."

Anonymous said...

I stubled across your blog because the name was similar to mine ("I am NOT a soccer mom!" at I enjoyed reading it and look forward to more "ramblings". :)