Friday, July 20, 2007

This Soap Won't Get You Clean...

Status: Tired--Thing Four decided to only sleep five hours after I put him down at 9pm. About to drive Thing One to her G.S. camp dropoff, getting ready to get school supplies ALREADY because if I don't hurry, all that will be left soon will be unsharpened pencils and paperclips...

Okay, before I start my little rant, WHAT IS THE DEAL with all those sickos out there, who keep finding my blog by Googling “Naughty Soccer Mom?” Shame on you! I am not in the least bit naughty, so keep on moving, buster!!!

So, now to the title of my post. So, I will freely admit I never watch TV during the day. My kids watch Nicktoons and Disney sometimes, but that’s it. I don’t get caught up in daytime television, because I feel like…well…it’s a complete waste of time. No offense to any soap watchers or talk-show watchers, but it just isn’t my cup of tea.

However, I will admit I used to be highly addicted to soap operas as a teen. In fact, I wrote an article for my college newspaper about it. I dug it up the other day, and brushed it off. To my amazement I discovered I was actually witty in college—believe it or not. Here’s the article, unedited and it its entirety. Enjoy!

(disclaimer—it was written circa 1990, so it’s a bid dated!)


Television is a powerful tool. It makes us jump for joy, tear our hair out in frustration, and scream at the screen in anguish. It hypes us up and stresses us out. And the beauty of it all: it’s available without a prescription.

This is why college students find time in their busy schedules to crash in front of the tube. Anyone who says we watch TV to be educated needs to drop a bowling ball on his head…again.
We are at college to be educated. Students who plant themselves in front of the TV are either A) searching for a mindless escape from their dreary existence or B) so completely bored that watching TV barely outrules calling up Aunt Bertha and listening to her rattle on about her latest kidney stone.
Among the plethora of brainless TV fare are talk shows, comedy, game shows, and of course the big “goober” of them all—soap operas.

I used to be a soap fan, but I’ve long since weaned myself from my show, The Young and the Restless. I am proud to announce that I am now down to seeing it once a month.
It’s sad but true. In general, college students become addicted to 1.5 soap operas a year. (I read this somewhere…really!)

There needs to be some sort of “Soap Anon” for these unfortunate people, whose very emotional stability hinges on whether Jill gets together with Jack, or Christian really DOES get revived from the dead.
The reason soaps are so appealing is simple: our own lives are The Lawrence Welk Show compared to a soap character’s life. After all, how many of us can claim we’ve been sent to rehab, shot, drowned, brought back to life (twice!) hit by a car, kidnapped, married, divorced, married again and hospitalized four times…all in the past year?
Okay...this is getting a tad long. I will post the second part on Monday.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone, and to all those Harry Potter fans out there: Happy Reading! May you remain spoil-free until you start page one! I still can't believe this is the last time I'll eagerly await a book for so long, only to read it in one or two days!



Anonymous said...

geez, if i could recoup all that lost time watching soaps!

Anonymous said...

Great piece, Lara. That's something you could sell to plenty of mags!

I should get my HP tomorrow, but UPS is notorious for refusing to deliver to our building on Saturdays, telling Amazon "no one was home". I already told Amazon to ride them hard, because I'll be here all day!

Ann said...

OMG - that was SO witty! Loved it! I remember my whole dorm was hooked on "As the World Turns" in college - and "The Thorn Birds" (not really a soap, but soapish enough) and of course, that winner of the evening soaps, "Dallas."

Of course, Gray's Anatomy is totally different - a sophisticated medical show (lol)