Thursday, August 22, 2013

Juice Extractor FAIL.

So, this summer, Hubby and I decided we were going to be healthier. And of course, the first thought that popped into our heads: JUICES. As in fresh fruit juices and smoothies.

It was, at the time, we thought, a brilliant idea. We scoured the internet looking for juicers and juice extractors and we settled on this baby:
It's the Cuisinart Juice Extractor. Wasn't cheap, either. We were going to do it right. 
So, we bought the Extractor, and I looked at the recipe book and found a few we really liked. Went to the local Harris Teeter and bought fresh mangoes, strawberries, blueberries, lemons, oranges, etc. etc..
I was a bit alarmed when my fruit purchase totaled $50, but we were going to have AWESOME FRESH juice packed full of antioxidants, so it didn't matter.
Got home, chopped up the fruit, and started the juice extractor. Fed most of the fruit into it and although the noise scared me (and the kids) a lot, we were all ooohhing and ahhhing over the teeny bits of juice that were pouring into the collection container.

Well, I used up all the fruit, and the collection container was only a quarter full. Hubby and I looked at each other, like huh? That's it? That's all we got from that buttload of fruit we put in?

I removed the little pitcher/dispenser and poured the juice into a cup. ONE small cup. We all tasted it. It was MAGNIFICENT. It was the best fifty-dollar cup of juice I've ever had.

Then, I lifted the lid on the Extractor, and UGH. PULP EVERYWHERE. And it was slimy and gooey and stuck to everything and it took me 45 minutes to pull apart the durn thing piece-by-piece and hand rinse each piece and dry them and put them all back.

So, my conclusion? $50 worth of fruit, 10 minutes worth of chopping, 5 minutes feeding said chopped fruit into a funnel that was so loud I think I've lost some of the hearing in my upper ear registers, and 45 minutes of cleanup. The result?

Eight. Ounces. Of. Juice.

Granted, it was SUPER YUMMY HEALTHY OH MY GOSH I MUST SIT DOWN THIS IS SO DELICIOUS Juice, but it was just juice all the same.

I am looking at the picture above, and how full the orange juice container is. I am concluding that either A) the advertising people simply bought a carton of orange juice and poured it in there for the picture or B) they spent an hour feeding 96847487 oranges into that thing. And C) They're all deaf now.

So, my super awesome juice extractor looks great on my counter, and I dust it dutifully once a week. And I go to the store and spend $2.99 on a HUGE bottle of fruit juice, and for some reason I feel like that's just fine.

Oh well.


Anonymous said...

O my God you are hilarious. And so right!I have a cheap juicer, but i gave up on it to.

Aimee said...

I thought about borrowing someone's juicer so that I could try making a kale smoothie. After reading this, I'm thinking it just won't be worth it, because you know, a kale smoothie isn't even going to taste good.

Chris said...

This is why I use the ninja blender. You can put anything in it and works incredibly well. I think it's better than a juicer because you get 100% of the nutrition. I throw bits of kale into every shake. Some come out a bit thicker but that's fine. As long as I'm getting all of the nutrition for the $ spent.

Brenda said...

Too funny. I'll stick with my frozen fruit and yogurt smoothies and my$30 blender.

Ira said...

This is fantastic!

Heather said...

Hi Lara! I'm Heather and I just have a quick question about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at) that would be great!