Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Crotch Breezer???

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Who's idea of a sick joke was it to put an "s" in the word lisp?

I think I have now officially “seen it all.” Or so it would seem. Why the suspiciously uncouth Blog title, you ask? Well, only because I’m not sure exactly what to call it. So I made up my own name. Before I scare you ENTIRELY away, here’s the story:

So, last night, I realize that I need to buy a bunch of groceries, so I tell Hubby that I’m going to run to the store, and of course I take his brand new car that he just got last Saturday. I love driving it. It’s black outside with black leather inside and rich wood everywhere. I loooooove it. When I drive it I open the moon roof and blast my Josh Groban Closer CD, and I feel…well…special.
Well, the moon is out in the cloudless sky, the kids are asleep back at home, and I’m driving along in this wonderful car, when suddenly, I realize that there’s a funny sensation of well, extreme cold on my er…well, erm, under my bum.
What the heck?
I put my hand down tentatively and realize that there is in fact a very cold breeze blowing erm…under my bum, and it is literally coming from inside the seat. The seat seems to be blowing cold air right under you know where.

I am slightly surprised, because this, well, “crotch breezer” might be considered refreshing on a hot summer day, but currently it’s cooled to the 50’s outside and my rear end is beginning to get cold. I glance at the dashboard and the control panel, and begin to panic, because the inside of the car is so full of gadgets it resembles the cockpit of an airplane.
I search and search all the little switches and buttons and screens in vain, until I finally pull over and locate the control of said Crotch Breezer between the “Calculate Yearly Tax Return” and “Make Toast” switches. I mean, SHEESH people. The stuff these cars can do now is amazing. Way too complicated for this luddite.

Unfortunately for me, I can’t find the Off button, I can only see that the switch allows me to switch from cold to warm. So I put the switch somewhere in the middle, and carry on.
(Out of curiosity, I had to look up what the crotch breezer is, and apparently, Lexus calls this feature the “heated front seat” feature, but I find it slightly amusing that the air wafts up right where your bum sits. That to me, is just… well, a bit silly. Who wants a cold or hot bum? Not only that, but what if you're in a car with a bunch of people and...Okay, scratch that question. Moving on…)

So, I like the car. Granted, it’s probably smarter than me (it has to be with all those technical gadgets and memory systems) so next time my daughter needs help with her math homework, I’ll direct her to the garage.
But first I’ll warn her about the Crotch Breezer.

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