Motherhood By The Numbers

So, yesterday was the first day of school. I was thinking to myself, as I dropped my middle-schoolers off at the school, how many more "first days of school" Thing One has left. And after yesterday, that would be FOUR. Wow. Time flies. Then I got to thinking about how many times we do things, as moms or guardians or parental figures.

Take wiping butts. No, really. I have four children. Let's say potty training began roughly at age 3 for each of them. And they weren't able to wipe their own butts to my satisfaction/cleanliness standards until age five. That means, I wiped a butt one, sometimes two times a day, 365 days a year, for two years. Times four kids. That’s roughly TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED TIMES I’VE WIPED SOMEONE’S BUTT.

Here are some more numbers: (Keep in mind I have four kids):

10,500: The number of nose-blows I will have performed over the years 

10,585: The number of dinners I will have cooked for my kids and immediately heard "GROSS Mom! I don't want that for dinner!"

6000+: The number of times I drive all of them to school over the years

10,000+: The number of times I go to their baseball, basketball, volleyball, tennis, soccer games

6000+: The number of times I have to turn the lights off/TVs off/Flush toilets for them after they've gone to school.

3000+: The number of sleepovers I will have endured. 

3000+: The number of times I will have made chocolate chip pancakes because the kids ALWAYS want chocolate chip pancakes the morning after a sleepover.

I really could go on and on. I think of women who have more kids than me, and I am like WOW. My hat is SOOOOO off to you. Because I think my own numbers with my kids are pretty crazy.

I feel strangely vindicated, having put this information out there. Now I'm wondering how many diaper changes I've performed over the years…anyone have a calculator?

;-)